The move has paid dividends for the person once known to friends and family as Paul Blart, Mall Cop.
Since assuming the gender of "female" and the name "Elena Kagan," Blart's career success has sky-rocketed, landing her the title of United States Supreme Court Justice.
Photos: (top) Now-Kagan asks the tough questions at some kind of important meeting, (bottom) then-Blart, in mall security uniform.
"I can remember Paul being very unsatisfied as a mall security guard." recalled Kagan/Blart, in the weird way that most transgender persons refer to their old-self as a third person who is now deceased, "He just wanted more out of life, but could never quite get there."
"It seemed like everywhere I...er, he went, doors were being closed on him. Then one night while watching [insert name of any current sitcom here], it all clicked. There was this dumb, fat, ugly, feeble husband with a smart, attractive, witty wife.
Then I saw the Corona beer commercials. You know the ones with the guy who gets totally hosed for checking out hot babes, but his female counterpart eye-humps the hell out of a strapping man without any retribution whatsoever?
Well, all of that just confirmed my suspicions that we're living in a society in which men are viewed as dumb pigs, and if you want to make some money and really get ahead in this world, you've got to go gal!"
That is when then-Blart decided to become now-Kagan.
The decision has undeniably been nothing short of a steroid-style boost for Kagan/Blart's professional life. Once stuck in the unrewarding role of a retail shopping center peace-keeping dispenser of justice, Kagan/Blart now will weigh in on some of the most controversial laws and cases currently facing the United States.
"It's pretty simple," said Kagan/Blart as she remained standing while going Number One.
"If you want to make more money and be treated with some respect in this country, it certainly helps to be a woman."
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