Kim Jong Ill Feelings

Based on the article "North Korea demands apology, reparations from Japan over colonization" found here: http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/asiapcf/08/22/nkorea.japan.apology/index.html?hpt=T2

(LoL) -- Recently, Tokyo apologized to South Korea, expressing "deep regret over the suffering inflicted" during Japan's colonial rule of the entire Korean peninsula during the early 1900's, marking the second time the Japanese government has issued an "our bad" to Seoul.


North Korea, however, not so much.


Once again Japan shunned North Korea, which is less commonly known as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, which is an ironic name considering it is neither very Democraticy nor Republicy.


The recent apology to South Korea prompted a North Korean official to declare that Japanese imperialist forces brought about "unspeakably horrible misfortune and sufferings and disasters to the Korean nation."  


The official, Speaker #413 then said, "Oh, er...whoops!  Those were my personal notes describing our current leader Kim Jong-Il.  Let's see....ah, here are my notes on Japanese colonists:  Japan should ma--"


At this time, the North Korean official was shanked multiple times and removed from the podium by uniformed North Korean military personnel.  A brief stage show featuring a juggler riding a unicycle was quickly brought on stage to attract attention away from the clean-up crew which was working to discretely mop up any spilled blood.  


Speaker #414 then addressed the press.


"Hey, guys.  So, um...what we were saying was (the following is an official statement), 'Japan should make a sincere apology and make full reparation to the Korean nation for its aggression and crimes against humanity.'"


It might have prudent at this point for someone to point out that Kim Jong-Il has probably committed more crimes against humanity on his people than any other entity to ever set foot on North Korean soil, but given that Jong-Il was in attendance, peering evilly over his cheesy-ass, aviator-style, Blue Blocker shades, everyone kinda just bitched out.  


Upon leaving the podium, Speaker #414 was seen passing a note to a foreign member of the press.  The note read, "Dude, seriously...Kim Jong-Il is f*cking insane.  He's like a fat, little, evil asian Elvis-wanna be with traits similar to Hitler, Bin Laden, Satan, Oompa Loompas, and the Chucky Doll.  Get me the HELL out of here!  Please!!!"


Moments later, the note was discovered.  Moments after that, it was announced that Speaker #415 had been promoted.


To celebrate the promotion, Jong-Il did a karaoke version of Elvis' "I Can't Help Falling in Love with You," which of course sounded more like "I Kent Hewp Faw-ring in Ruv wee You."


Despite issues with pronunciation, pitch, melody and timing, the performance drew rave reviews from the crowd on hand.